Niche Marketing

Niche Marketing іѕ аn іmрοrtаnt concept tο consider whеn уου аrе trying tο develop a marketing рlаn.

Bу identifying, analyzing аnd targeting thе niches wіth whісh уου hаνе thе potential tο grow, уουr plans become more effective.

Hοw tο identify thе mοѕt profitable niches fοr уου?

Niche markets аrе core groups οf people within уουr lаrgеr target audience whο hаνе similar occupational аnd/οr lifestyle characteristics thаt уου саn target wіth ехсеllеnt results.

Thеrе mау bе hundreds οf booksellers out thеrе, bυt hοw many specialize іn books οn a particular interest οf yours? If уουr home business focuses οn selling books, уου mау bе competing wіth thе hundreds οf οthеr sellers. Bυt іf уουr home business focuses οn selling books аbουt affiliate marketing, уου mау find yourself іn direct competition wіth fewer businesses.

Thе secret tο identifying уουr niche market іѕ tο find a small bυt profitable area οf thе market.

On thе internet уου′ll find thаt having a strong profitable niche works tο уουr advantage bесаυѕе іt іѕ highly focused аnd targeted tο specific needs οf уουr viewer.

If уουr interest іѕ іn Art, уου wουld bе wise tο drill down tο selling something lіkе Paintings οr perhaps drill down even further аnd sell variety οf colors,paints,brushes available.

Building a site whісh hаνе a lot οf different things & products саn bring іn lots οf visitors bυt уου won’t gеt many sales bесаυѕе уου dіd nοt target specifically whаt each visitor іѕ looking fοr.Crеаtіng аnd Promoting a site thаt targets οnlу those people looking fοr a specific thing, lіkе paintings οr paints,colors аnd brushes, wіll yield οnlу people interested іn thаt niche, whісh increases уουr chances οf mаkіng substantial sales.

Hοw tο identify уουr niche market οr a profitable niche market?

Bу doing research οn thе niches уου аrе interested іn.

Stаrt bу identifying thе things people come tο thе internet fοr.

Example: Socialising, Earning Money, Health Products аnd Information, Beauty Products аnd Entertainment.

Within those 5 categories whаt areas wουld уου bе interested іn? I hаνе аn interest іn earning money аnd hаνе noticed thаt one οf thе latest hot іѕ affiliate marketing.

Thеrе аrе 3 things I need tο examine:

1. Demand. Here іѕ whеrе I hаνе tο аѕk myself іf people аrе really interested іn thіѕ area? Tο gеt thіѕ information, gο tο Wordtracker аnd look up “affiliate marketing”, аnd уου wіll see hοw many searches thаt term hаѕ gοt іn a day.
2. Competition. Thе next thing уου want tο consider іѕ thе competition. Competition іѕ a gοοd thing ѕο don’t lеt іt discourage уου. Gο tο Google Search аnd type іn “affiliate marketing”. If уου look down thе rіght hand column οf thе page уου wіll see thе paid ads fοr affiliate marketing. Thіѕ tells mе thаt thеrе аrе people obviously mаkіng money οn thіѕ topic ѕο уουr chances аrе pretty gοοd thаt thіѕ іѕ a topic thаn саn mаkе уου money.
3. Monetization. Thіѕ іѕ whеrе wе look аt hοw tο mаkе money wіth thіѕ іdеа. Stаrt wіth сrеаtіng a website around thе topic. If affiliate marketing іѕ уουr interest, уου′ll need tο research products thаt hаνе affiliate programs thаt уου саn join аnd promote. Again, іf уου gο tο Google Search, type іntο thе search box ‘ affiliate income ‘. Yου саn see thаt thеrе аrе a few affiliate programs уου саn join.

Alѕο, gеt creative аnd thіnk аbουt οthеr products thаt wουld complement affiliate marketing thаt уου саn аlѕο promote.Lіkе, Traffic Building Sites, Article Submission, Link Building, Email Marketing etc.

5 Natural Ways to Help Your Health

No matter how the laws change in Washington, D.C., preventive medicine experts say the single best way to improve the nation’s health is simple: Stay healthy.

Preventable illnesses like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, stroke, and several leading forms of cancer make up a big chunk of health care spending, costing billions of dollars. They rob millions of Americans of years of life and blight the final years of others with sickness and disability.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Consider evidence from a 2009 study of 23,153 adults who took part in the European Prospective Investigation into Cancer and Nutrition. Volunteers who followed four tenets of good health — they didn’t smoke or get fat; they exercised and ate a healthy diet — were 80% less likely to develop chronic illnesses such as type 2 diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. Their risk of developing type 2 diabetes was 92% lower than the risk of people who shunned the familiar health advice. Their odds of having a heart attack were 81% lower.

“Results like these prove again and again that the most powerful tools we have to improve health are prevention,” says Wes Alles, PhD, director of the Stanford Health Improvement program at Stanford University. “Yet we still have trouble convincing people to make those healthy changes.” To craft your own health care reform program, here’s what Alles and other experts say you should do to get the biggest bang for your efforts:

1. Be More Active and Exercise

Exercise offers so many health benefits, it’s nothing short of a magic bullet. Something as simple as a brisk walk for half an hour a day dramatically reduces the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and several forms of cancer, including colon cancer, one of the leading killers.

“A lifetime of regular exercise improves brain function, allows people to be active and independent in their later years, and adds years to life,” says Steven Blair, PhD, professor of exercise science at the University of South Carolina, who has helped shape federal exercise guidelines. “That addresses most of the leading chronic health threats we face.”

A 2008 study by researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston showed that regular exercise lowered the risk of dying prematurely by 30%.

2. Maintain a Healthy Weight

Easier said than done, according to findings from a new analysis of data from state health departments.

Over the past five years, obesity rates climbed in nearly all states. Indeed, not a single state in the U.S. saw a decline.

Losing weight and keeping it off is difficult. Yet studies show that losing weight just a few pounds if you’re overweight will improve your health. If your weight is normal, work to keep it there by reining in calories and exercising frequently. A healthy diet includes abundant fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. A good diet limits refined sugars and saturated fats. One easy way to shed calories from your diet: drink water instead of sugary beverages. They account for more and more calories in the American diet.

3. Get Screened and Get Your Shots

This year, with flu in the headlines, no one needs to be reminded that flu shots can dramatically reduce the risk of getting this seasonal bug and its potentially life-threatening complications. Yet only 42% of people 50 to 64 get yearly flu shots. Keeping up to date on all recommended vaccinations can prevent many deadly and debilitating illnesses.

Routine health screens are also lifesavers. Knowing and managing your cholesterol levels and blood pressure is crucial to reducing your risk of heart disease. Cancer screening tests have been shown to catch some forms of the disease early enough to eliminate them.

For the latest recommendations on what tests to get when, check out the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommendations at www.ahrq.gov.

4. Don’t Smoke: Quitting Saves Lives

A no-brainer. But lung cancer remains the leading cause of cancer death — and between 80% and 90% of cases are directly caused by smoking, according to the National Cancer Institute.

The good news: smoking rates are falling in the U.S. And thanks to a variety of new nicotine replacement therapies — from patches to nasal sprays — quitting is easier than ever. One recent analysis of studies found that nicotine replacements can almost double the odds that smokers will successfully quit. New medications to help smokers kick the habit are also available. Talk to your doctor about the best strategies for success.

5. Find Joy From Family and Friends

Enjoying life and maintaining a circle of supportive friends is a big part of good health. Indeed, having friendships may be second only to not smoking for preventing heart attacks. People with extensive social networks, according to research at the Uniformed Services University, are less likely to have calcification in their arteries, a sign of heart disease risk.

One way to increase your happiness is to foster cheerful friends. “Happiness turns out to spread through social networks,” says James D. Fowler, PhD, an associate professor of political science at the University of California, San Diego. His research, which tracked the spread of happiness among friends and even friends of friends, found that a person is 15% more likely to be happy if a close contact is happy.

Cut Your Cholesterol Fast

The good news? If your fasting total cholesterol level exceeds the desirable level of 200, or if your low-density lipoprotein ( LDL, or "bad”) cholesterol is above 100, getting it down to a safer level could be easier than you think. In fact, with simple lifestyle modifications — and, if necessary, drug therapy — people often see significant reductions in cholesterol within six weeks. Get going right now, and by New Year’s Eve you could be toasting your cholesterol level rather than resolving to lower it.

Here are 11 tips on how to cut high cholesterol fast:

Get Your Personalized Cholesterol Health Assessment

1. Set a target.

You know you’ve got to get your cholesterol number down, but how low do you need to go? That depends on several factors, including your personal and family history of heart disease, as well as whether you have cardiovascular risk factors, such as obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes, and smoking.

If your risk is deemed high, "most doctors will treat for a target LDL of less than 70," says James Beckerman, MD, a cardiologist in private practice in Portland, Ore. If your risk is moderate, a target LDL of under 130 is generally OK, Beckerman says. If your risk is low, less than 160 is a reasonable target. "The trend now is to treat people earlier, especially if they have two or more risk factors," he says.

2. Consider medication.

Lifestyle modifications make sense for anyone with elevated cholesterol. But if your cardiovascular risk is high, you may also need to take a cholesterol-lowering drug. Michael Richman, MD, medical director of the Center for Cholesterol Management in Los Angeles, calls drug therapy "the only thing that will work fast" to lower high cholesterol. "Everyone should do the basics, like stopping smoking and losing weight," Richman tells WebMD. "But these things lower the risk only modestly. They’re nothing to write home about."

Beckerman agrees. "Lifestyle modifications are important, but we should also be emphasizing the benefits of medication when appropriate," he says.

Several types of cholesterol-lowering medication are available, including niacin, bile acid resins, and fibrates. But statins are the treatment of choice for most individuals. "Statins can lower LDL cholesterol by 20% to 50%" says Pamela Peeke, MD, assistant professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore.

3. Get moving.

In addition to lowering LDL "bad" cholesterol, regular physical activity can raise HDL "good" cholesterol by up to 10%. The benefits come even with moderate exercise, such as brisk walking.

Robert Harrington, MD, professor of medicine at Duke University School of Medicine in Durham, N.C., urges his patients to go for a 45-minute walk after supper.

Peeke tells WebMD, "I ask people to get a pedometer and aim for 10,000 steps a day. If you work at a desk, get up and walk around for five minutes every hour."

Whatever form your exercise takes, the key is to do it with regularity. "Some experts recommend seven days a week, although I think five days is more realistic," Richman says.

4. Avoid saturated fat.

Doctors used to think that the key to lowering high cholesterol was to cut back on eggs and other cholesterol-rich foods. But now it’s clear that dietary cholesterol isn’t the main culprit. "Eggs don’t do all that much [to raise cholesterol]," Beckerman says. "You don’t want to be throwing down six eggs a day, but recent data suggest that it’s really saturated fat" that causes increases in cholesterol. And if you cooked your eggs in a slab of butter, don’t overlook the fat in the butter.

"One of the first things to do when you’re trying to lower your cholesterol level is to take saturated fat down a few notches," says Elaine Magee, MPH, RD, the author of several nutrition books, including the forthcoming Tell Me What to Eat If I Have Heart Disease. "The second thing to do is to start eating more ‘smart’ fats," Magee says. She recommends substituting canola oil or olive oil for vegetable oil, butter, stick margarine, lard, or shortening while cutting back on meat and eating more fish.

5. Eat more fiber.

Fruits and vegetables, including whole grains, are good sources not only of heart-healthy antioxidants but also cholesterol-lowering dietary fiber. Soluble fiber, in particular, can help lower cholesterol. Beckerman says it "acts like a sponge to absorb cholesterol "in the digestive tract. Good sources of soluble fiber include dried beans, oats, and barley, as well as fiber products containing psyllium.

6. Go fish.

Fish and fish oil are chockablock with cholesterol-lowering omega-3 fatty acids. "Fish oil supplements can have a profound effect on cholesterol and triglycerides," Beckerman says. "There’s a lot of scientific evidence to support their use." Fish oil is considered to be quite safe, but check with your doctor first if you are taking an anti-clotting medication.

Magee recommends eating fish two or three times a week. "Salmon is great, as it has lots of omega-3s,"she says. But even canned tuna has omega-3s, and it’s more consumer-friendly. The American Heart Association also recommends fish as the preferable source of omega-3s, but fish oil capsule supplements can be considered after consultation with your physician. Plant sources of omega-3s include soybeans, canola, flaxseeds, walnuts, and their oils, but they don’t provide the same omega-3s as fish. The biggest heart benefits have been linked to omega-3s found in fish.

7. Drink up.

Moderate consumption of alcohol can raise levels of HDL "good" cholesterol by as much as 10%. Doctors say up to one drink a day makes sense for women, up to two a day for men. But given the risks of excessive drinking, the American Heart Association cautions against increasing your alcohol intake or starting to drink if you don’t already.
8. Drink green.

Magee suggests green tea as a healthier alternative to sodas and sugary beverages. Indeed, research in both animals and humans has shown that green tea contains compounds that can help lower LDL cholesterol. In a small-scale study conducted recently in Brazil, people who took capsules containing a green tea extract experienced a 4.5% reduction in LDL cholesterol.

9. Eat nuts.

Extensive research has demonstrated that regular consumption of nuts can bring modest reductions in cholesterol. Walnuts and almonds seem particularly beneficial. But nuts are high in calories, so limit yourself to a handful a day, experts say.

10. Switch spreads.

Recent years have seen the introduction of margarine-like spreads and other foods fortified with cholesterol-lowering plant compounds known as stanols.

11. Don’t smoke.

Smoking lowers levels of HDL "good" cholesterol and is a major risk factor for heart disease.

6 Sex Mistakes Women Make

Ladies, be honest: when your sex life becomes a little humdrum, out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up. Guys tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane. And sure, they make their fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it turns out, top sex and relationship experts say that women make plenty of sex mistakes of their own. Here’s what they have to say about the six most common mistakes women make in the bedroom and what you can do to get the satisfaction you so rightly deserve.

1. Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner

   It’s 2009 and still, many of us worry about ladylike behavior. We don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive. According to Les Parrot, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and author of a new book called Crazy Good Sex, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make.

   “Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship,” he says. Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.

   Holding onto outdated ideas about sex roles also inhibits satisfaction with our sexual relationships, says "Dr. Ruth," aka Ruth Westheimer, PhD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities. “They used to think that women are less interested in sexual activity and I don’t want to say that anymore. I think there are women who are as interested in sex [as men].”

   Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience, something Westheimer feels strongly women must do.

2. Worrying About What You Look Like

   Thinking about how you look during sex stops you from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm.

   “Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face,” advises Westheimer. “Concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give yourself permission to have an orgasm.”

   “Men want their wives to abandon themselves in sex play, and that’s not likely if she is anxious about her physical concerns,” Parrott says.

   Helen Fisher, PhD, a cultural anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of a new book called Why Him, Why Her, says men don’t notice half the things women obsess about anyway.

   “It’s amazing what men don’t notice if you’re enthusiastic, energetic, interested in them, and flexible minded.”

   According to Fisher, there is an evolutionary explanation for the selective blindness men show to our physical flaws. For Darwinian reasons, says Fisher, men are (unconsciously, of course) looking for women who are able to bear healthy babies. Starting millions of years ago, men who attracted fertile women and had a lot of children lived on. Those who couldn’t died out. Although maybe not as necessary today, Fisher says that primal survival mechanism lives on.

   “Men are much more attracted to women who show signs of health and youth and fertility. Rather than worry about the shape of your waist and hips, worry about your energy level and enthusiasm and interest in him,” Fisher advises.

3. Assuming Sex Is Casual for a Man

   Westheimer believes we should all let go of old-fashioned notions, such as women are not sexual or that sex is just sex to men. “For some men, sex is a very important act. Don’t minimize it.”

   The research, says Parrott, supports the idea that both men and women find sexual intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying.

   “Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex,” Parrot says.

   In a study being conducted by Fisher and her colleagues of university students engaging in one-night stands, the numbers show that men are just as serious about sex and relationships as women. In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a one-night stand, according to Fisher, reported that they did so hoping to create a longer relationship. One-third of them actually did so. What’s the lesson?

   “Never assume that a man is not romantic,” Fisher says. “Two huge mistakes in this culture are that women are not sexual and that men are not as romantic [as women].”

4. Believing He’s Always Up for Sex

   Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing just about any time you ask, but not true for men. The pressures of everyday life — family, work, bills — can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often his lack of interest in sex is something we take personally.

   “It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just don’t believe it,” Fisher says about the reaction many women have when their partner says they aren’t in the mood for sex. “They know themselves that they are not always interested in sex but they still love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have sex, they think, ‘he doesn’t love me.’ Not true. He just doesn’t want to have sex.”

5. Not Giving Him Guidance

   Talking very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to, says Parrott. But it’s the only way to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship.

   “A woman must take responsibility for her sexual encounter,” says Westheimer. “No man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sexual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what she needs without her letting him know.”

   The good news, according to Fisher, is that men very much want to please women.

   “If you can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it,” says Fisher. She advises women to sandwich what they don’t like in between five things they do, because he’s listening. “You won’t find out until the next time you’re in bed with him. But men do listen, particularly if you’re quite clear about it.”

6. Getting Upset When He Suggests Something New

   After a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sex life. In short: Don’t take it personally.

Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort zone says Parrott.

“Nobody should ever feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do in the personal and intimate area of sexuality,” Parrott says. “If your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If it is a simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy about it, try not to overreact. Instead, let him know you need some time to think about it.”

Seasonal Mood and Hormonal Changes

Many women report mood changes linked to their monthly menstrual cycles. Between 3% and 9% of women of reproductive age experience premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), often with severe depression symptoms.

How are these monthly mood changes — mild or severe — affected by seasonal weather and activities? When should you talk to a doctor and seek treatment for depression?

Seasonal Mood Cycles

"When we screen women to get into our studies of PMDD, many of them mention that they generally feel somewhat better in the summer, and worse in the winter," says Jean Endicott, PhD, professor of clinical psychology in psychiatry at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons. "We’ll sometimes get phone calls in the summer from women saying ‘It’s not so bad now, but will you be taking new patients in November?’"

Endicott doesn’t know of any scientific studies that specifically link severity of cycle-related mood changes to the seasons, but says it makes sense.

"In addition to the effect that light has on mood and depression, there’s the fact that women could be outdoors and exercising more during the summer months, and exercise can help with depressive symptoms linked to the hormonal cycle," she says.

The link also makes biologic sense, adds Dorothy Sit, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. "People who have changes in mood related to season may experience this partially due to changes in circadian rhythm," she explains. "Estrogen and progesterone fluctuations have also been shown to advance and delay circadian rhythms."

Whether these cyclic changes are enough to bring on or worsen mood changes or PMDD symptoms probably depends on the individual woman, and how sensitive she is to estrogen and progesterone.
Is It PMDD or Depression?

Before you conclude that your mood changes or depression are definitely linked to your menstrual cycle, try keeping a diary for three months, suggests Nada Stotland, MD, MPH, professor of psychiatry and obstetrics and gynecology at Rush Medical College in Chicago.

"Many women who think they have PMS [actually] have symptoms that have nothing to do with their cycles at all," she says. "We tend to blame everything on that."

Buy a calendar and chart your daily moods — up, down, happy, sad, tired, euphoric, angry, irritable, or fatigued. But make sure it’s a page-a-day calendar, not a monthly one.

"If you’re looking at a monthly calendar, you anticipate your period and are thinking, ‘That’s when I’m going to feel bad,’" Stotland says. "In order not to prejudice yourself, find a way to keep track of your moods day by day and not pay attention to where you are in your cycle. You can put that together later."
Do You Need Treatment?

If your diary does indeed reveal that your ups and downs are linked to your cycle, how do you know if you should seek treatment? Consider some of these questions:

* Are you not just irritable at these times, but having the worst fights ever with your partner or children?
* Do you find yourself unable to enjoy work or family life at these times?
* Do you experience major disruptions in your ability to function, your eating habits, or your sleep patterns?
* Do you have extreme levels of anxiety and self-criticism?
* Do you have morbid thoughts about death, dying, or wanting to die?

If you answer yes to several of these questions (especially the last one), call your doctor. "If your cyclic symptoms really start to impair your work or personal life significantly, it’s time to seek professional help," says Sit.

Treating PMDD

There are several options for treating PMDD, from cognitive behavioral therapy and light box therapy to medications such as antidepressants, anxiety medicine, birth control pills, or other hormone treatments.

Antidepressants
Some women are given antidepressants called SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) to take just before they start menstruating. Typically treatment is started on cycle day 14 and stopped when menstrual bleeding starts. Generally, it takes several weeks for these antidepressants to have an effect, but for women suffering depression linked to menstrual cycles, the medicine seems to work more quickly.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you develop skills to manage depression and mood changes linked to your menstrual cycle, says Catherine Monk, Herbert Irving Assistant Professor of Clinical Psychology in the departments of psychiatry and obstetrics at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons.

"You can learn to have resources in place for when you go into your vulnerable period," she explains. That may mean knowing not to schedule tough work deadlines during those days, or making sure to plan for a massage or not to miss your yoga class.

"Ahead of time, you should write a list of things that you really enjoy and that allow you to move outside yourself," says Monk. "This may include books and DVDs that keep you from ruminating, or activities that energize you, like running or painting. Make the list ahead of time, because if you don’t, you won’t have the energy to do it when you’re feeling down. Then commit yourself to trying them even if you don’t want to."

Light Box Therapy

Studies have also found that light box therapy — a specific treatment that mimics outdoor light and causes biochemical changes in the brain that improve your mood — may be effective for women with PMDD. It may be that light therapy improves melatonin levels, which have been found to be abnormal in women with PMDD.

Whatever treatment may work for you, it’s important not to dismiss your symptoms as "just PMS."

"If we’re in a situation where we’re fortunate, we tend to think we couldn’t possibly be depressed and have no right to be," says Stotland. "Or if our circumstances are lousy, we say, ‘No wonder I feel bad.’ But if you’re out in the cold and you get frostbite, you don’t say, ‘No wonder I have frostbite’ — you treat it. If you’re depressed, it’s important to do the same thing."

Don’t-Tell-the-Husband

We women are well aware that most of the time we’re a profound mystery to men. And for the most part, we like it that way. But the thought has occurred to just about every woman: Would it really be so bad if he knew about me? Wouldn’t it help him understand me better? And more importantly, Wouldn’t he annoy me less if he knew what I really wanted?

So for the benefit of women everywhere (and for your benefit too, guys-remember, a happy woman makes for a much happier man), we’re going to let men in on a little of what really makes us tick, deep down. Read on for 11 near-universal secrets of womankind. Some may shock you, others may be things you’ve suspected for a long time (but never had the nerve to ask about). But know this: the woman in your life? She’s hiding more secrets than these, including a few you’d never imagine. Lucky you-you get to spend a lifetime learning them all.

1. Everything we buy for ourselves-shoes, a skirt, even just stuff from the drugstore-really costs 20 percent more than we tell you it did.
   Just because it’s a classic sitcom plot doesn’t mean it isn’t true. "Sometimes I’ll buy an outfit and charge half of it on our credit card and pay for the other half in cash so my husband doesn’t know what I’m actually spending," admits one 32-year-old, who requested anonymity to protect her sneaky secret. Yeah, we know honesty is the best policy, hiding your spending habits is bad, blah blah blah. But sometimes we just don’t want the hassle of arguing over the price of the fancy shampoo. Is that so wrong? We don’t think so.
2. We actually think about sex-with you!-a lot
   Sometimes we think about it all day long. It’s just that by the end of the day we’re too damn tired to do anything about it. Now, if you could only catch us at lunchtime….
3. We’re just as nervous about commitment as you are.
   True, many girls grow up dreaming of Prince Charming, the white wedding, and happily ever after. But we’re human, just like you, and when it comes down to the reality of tying our life to another person’s, we get scared, too. "The idea of getting married completely freaked me out at first," says my friend Lisa, 34. "I know this sounds like a guy cliché, but I saw it as giving up my independence and being tied down." The good news is, once we’re hitched, we’re generally pretty delighted about it. Says Lisa, "Now that I am married, having a life commitment is so comforting and wonderful. I love knowing that we are a team and that we’re going to be on the same team forever."
4. We may be modern and independent, but we still want you to be "the man."
   We do want you to be sensitive, caring 21st-century males, but even the most butt-kicking, take-no-prisoners woman still wants to feel taken care of by her man somehow. Whether that means you take charge in bed, know how to fix the car and kill spiders, or even just carry the big suitcase when we’re on vacation-when you act all manly, even if you’re 98 pounds soaking wet, it makes us feel more feminine, more safe.

   "I love that my friends and family always comment on how my husband opens the door for me and does all kinds of other chivalrous things-especially when I was pregnant, when he was so protective of me and my belly," says Lorraine, 29, of New Hartford, NY. "At the end of the day, being in his strong arms is definitely a good feeling, no matter how independent I know I am."

5. Our ex-boyfriends were not completely terrible in bed.
   You know how we’re always telling you things like, "Oh yeah, you’re definitely the biggest I’ve ever had" or "No one does it like you do"? Um, yeah. Well, we may have been stretching the truth just a teensy bit. But we’ll never actually tell you that a past lover was a bedroom dynamo-we’re smarter than that. Just know that whatever toe-curling orgasms the other guy gave us, sex with you really is a million times better-because it’s you, and you’re the one we really want.
6. We’re scared that we’ll turn into our mothers.
   We love our mothers, really. We admire them, we’re grateful to them, we think they’re the most amazing women on the planet. We just don’t want to be them. That’s why one of the worst insults you can hurl at a woman is, "You’re acting just like your mother."
   But here’s one that’s even worse: "You’re acting just like my mother." It sends a horrible oedipal shiver down our spines-did he marry me because I’m like his mom? Will he start expecting me to cut the crusts off his PB&J? So please, if you value your sex life, never ever compare your wife to your mother. Out loud, anyway.
7. We want you to be jealous-but just a little bit.
   We want you to notice-and care!-when the waiter flirts with us, or when other guys check us out on the street. It makes us feel that we matter to you. But please don’t get all Neanderthal and possessive on us. "I’m very loyal, and if my guy can’t understand that I would never do anything with anyone else, then that just makes me mad," says Paulina, 22, from Brooklyn. So, to recap: Raising your eyebrows when we introduce you to our cute coworker-good. Punching him out-very, very bad.
8. Yes, we fantasize about hot celebrity guys, but that doesn’t mean we want you to be them.
   Christian Bale is sexy and all, but can you imagine having to clean that Batcave?
9. We tell our girlfriends more than we admit to you (but less than you fear).
   Yes, we tell them about the latest marital spat, complain about our mothers-in-law, and sigh over the hobby that sucks up all your free time. But we don’t tell them how big your you-know-what is or that you cried in our arms when your dad died. Some things are just too important and intimate to share. "I definitely don’t tell my girlfriends details like what my husband said when he proposed, the feeling I have every time I see him look at our daughter, and the little wonderful things he does for me every day," says Lorraine. "Those are just for me."
10. We really do notice and appreciate all the chores you do.
    Why don’t we say so often enough? Because we can’t get over all the things you don’t do. My husband, for example, is incredibly diligent about keeping a 6-by-10-foot carpeted patch of our apartment vacuumed and cat hair-free, and I love that. But it kills me that it never occurs to him to dust the furniture sitting on top of that piece of carpet, or to sweep the hardwood floor adjoining it.

    Blame our lack of positive feedback on that stubborn female belief that there is Only One Right Way to do any given household task-our way. It’s probably the real reason why men don’t shoulder a greater share of housekeeping duties; we complain about how you did it wrong, so you never want to do it again. (Sounds familiar, right?) Let’s make a deal: You promise to dust the lampshade (or wipe down the kitchen counter after you wash the dishes, or take out the garbage and then put a new liner in the can) once in a while, and we promise to sing your praises. Agreed?

11. We love you with all our hearts, but we still get wistful about the fact that we’ll never feel that falling-in-love sizzle and spark again.
    I’ll just come right out and say it: Most women are love addicts. And while we appreciate the depth and richness of long-time love, there is simply nothing like the giddy, fluttery, crazy feeling we get (or rather, used to get) with a brand-new guy. We know we’ll never feel that high again, and there’s a little part of us that will always miss it. (Why do you think we watch so many romantic comedies?) But in the end, what we get instead-you, and a lifetime of true devotion-is more than worth the price.

Heart Attacks on the Rise in Women

The heart attack gap between men and women is narrowing in good and bad ways for women.

Two new studies show that the number of heart attacks is rising among middle-aged women and falling among men, but the risk of death after a heart attack is improving more for women than for men.

Middle-aged men have historically had a higher prevalence of heart attack and advanced heart disease than women of the same age, but researchers say the findings suggest the risk is increasing among women and decreasing in men.

“Cardiovascular illnesses have been long neglected in their role as the primary cause of mortality in women, both by patients and physicians,” write Sabine Oertelt-Prigione, MD, and Vera Regitz-Zagrosek, MD, PhD, of Charité Universitaetsmedizin, Berlin, in an editorial that accompanies the studies in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

“As these studies show, increased and continuous vigorous attention to the prevention of cardiovascular risk factors — by healthy diet, regular physical activity, and avoidance of smoke and smoking — is necessary for both men and women,” they write.

Heart Attack Gap Narrowing

In the first study, researchers compared heart attack risk factors and prevalence of heart attacks among more than 8,000 men and women aged 35 to 54 who participated in a national health survey during 1988 to 1994 and 1999 to 2004.

During both time periods, the results showed that heart attack risk factors such as total cholesterol levels, high-density lipoprotein (HDL or “good” cholesterol), blood pressure, and smoking status remained stable or improved among men but mostly worsened among women. The only heart attack risk factor that improved in women was HDL cholesterol level.

Diabetes, another major heart disease risk factor, increased among men and women, most likely because of rising obesity among both sexes.

The study also showed that although men had more heart attacks than women in the same age group during both time periods, the gap narrowed in recent years as heart attack prevalence increased among women. For example, in 1988-1994, 2.5% of men and 0.7% of women reported a heart attack compared with 2.2% of men and 1% of women in 1999-2004.

“Therefore, intensification of efforts at screening for and treating vascular risk factors in women in their midlife years may be warranted,” writes researcher Amytis Towfighi, MD, of the University of Southern California, Los Angeles.

Outlook Improving Among Women

In the second study, researchers looked at trends in the risk of death after heart attack among 916,380 men and women who had a heart attack between 1994 and 2006.

The results showed the number of people who died in the hospital after a heart attack declined dramatically among all patients and age groups, but more so in women than in men.

"We found that the number of younger women who die in the hospital after a heart attack, compared with men in the same age group, has narrowed over the last few years," researcher Viola Vaccarino, MD, PhD, director of the Emory Program in Cardiovascular Outcomes Research and Epidemiology, says in a news release.

The decrease in death rate after heart attack was three times larger in women under the age of 55 than in men in the same age group.

Researchers found this gender difference in the declining risk of death after heart attack became progressively smaller in older men and women.

Eating Slowly May Help Weight Control

Eyeball your food a little longer if you’re looking to shed some pounds, because wolfing it down too fast may make you prone to overeat, a new study shows.

So savor those aromas, relish the meal’s presentation, and don’t just dig in like you’ve got to finish it off in a hurry, researchers report in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism.

Eating a meal quickly puts the kibosh on the release of hormones in the gut that induce feelings of being full, and this can lead to overeating, says study researcher Alexander Kokkinos, MD, PhD, from Laiko General Hospital in Athens, Greece.

In short, eating too fast blocks the release of gut hormones that help make you feel full, and thus you may overeat.

"Most of us have heard that eating fast can lead to food overconsumption and obesity, and in fact some observational studies have supported this notion," Kokkinos says in a news release. "Our study provides a possible explanation for the relationship between speed eating and overeating by showing that the rate at which someone eats may impact the release of gut hormones that signal the brain to stop eating."

Previous studies have shown that the release of gut hormones after a meal acts on the brain and induces feelings of fullness and satisfaction, the researchers note. But until now, they say, concentrations of appetite-regulating hormones haven’t been studied in the context of different rates of eating.

In the study, 17 healthy men consumed the same test meal, 300 milliliters (about 10 ounces) of ice cream, at different rates during two separate test sessions. The duration of one meal was five minutes and the other was 30 minutes.

The researchers took blood samples and measured levels of different gut hormones before the meal and at 30 minute intervals after eating began until the study session ended 210 minutes later.

The scientists conclude that "eating at a physiologically moderate pace leads to a more pronounced anorexigenic gut peptide [appetite reduction] response than eating very fast."

The notion that eating quickly leads to weight gain used to be considered "an old wives’ tale," the researchers say, but their study suggests there is some truth to it.

"Our findings give some insight into an aspect of modern-day food overconsumption, namely the fact that many people, pressed by demanding working and living conditions, eat faster and in greater amounts than in the past," Kokkinos says in the news release. "The warning we were given as children that ‘wolfing down your food will make you fat’ may in fact have a physiological explanation."

Best Anti-Aging Foods

These six food groups hold the "power" to help you lose weight and turn back the clock. Don’t miss our easy seven-day meal plan and delicious anti-aging snacks!

1. Produce

   Piling your plate with fruits and vegetables is a no-brainer when it comes to weight loss — they’re low in calories, high in nutrients, and filling — but the latest studies show that certain ones can provide surprising anti-aging benefits.

   There’s buzz about blueberries, for instance, for their memory-boosting potential. But berries of all hues are antioxidant-rich, reports Navindra P. Seeram, Ph.D., assistant professor at the University of Rhode Island College of Pharmacy in Kingston. That means they combat free radicals, molecules that can cause widespread cell damage and are linked to chronic inflammation. Unlike the inflammation that occurs when you sprain an ankle or strain a muscle, the type that contributes to aging is persistent, and thought to be at the root of most chronic diseases, from cancer, heart disease, and diabetes to Alzheimer’s, arthritis, and osteoporosis. Berries’ beauty bonus: They’re chock-full of vitamin C, another potent antioxidant that may help keep your complexion looking smooth by fighting those pesky (skin-damaging) free radicals.

   To keep your vision sharp, set your sights on spinach and other dark leafy greens. These veggies are prime sources of lutein and zeaxanthin, plant pigments that protect your eyes from the harmful effects of ultraviolet light. Leafy greens are also rich in vitamin K, a nutrient that plays a role in reducing bone loss and preventing fractures.

2. Protein

   This key dietary component becomes even more critical starting in the 40s, when muscle mass begins to decline by up to 1 percent a year. That drop slows metabolism, which makes the pounds pile on more easily. The double whammy consequence: Added weight puts your health at risk, and down the road, diminished muscle mass can throw off your balance (upping chances of a fall), sap your strength, and even threaten your ability to recover from an illness or accident.

   To hang on to your metabolism-boosting muscle — and keep you feeling full after meals (another protein plus) — experts recommend eating plenty of skinless chicken and turkey breast, lean beef and pork, eggs, beans, and seafood. And don’t forget protein-rich dairy: Minerals (primarily calcium, phosphorus, and potassium) in fat-free milk and yogurt as well as low-fat cheeses help to keep blood pressure healthy, pudge in check, and bones strong. News flash: Calcium can’t build bone if you’re not getting enough protein, and current recommendations — about five ounces a day for a 145-pound woman — are too low, says Robert P. Heaney, M.D., professor of medicine at Creighton University in Omaha. Our Anti-Aging Meal Plan provides about 11 ounces of protein daily.

   Another reason to spoon up some yogurt: Eating at least 1/4 cup every day led to a 60 percent lower risk of gum disease and a 50 percent lower risk of tooth loss in a Japanese study published in the Journal of Periodontology. The effect is thought to be linked to the probiotics in yogurt, but not in most other dairy.

3. Omega-3-Rich Fish

   Fatty acids in seafood help quench the flames of chronic inflammation. In addition, "there’s very good new data suggesting that omega-3 fats from fish act on an area of the brain that leads to improved mood and attitude among healthy people," says Artemis P. Simopoulos, M.D., author of The Omega Diet. These improvements in outlook lead to feeling healthier and more vigorous, she explains. The omega-3s in fatty fish like salmon and tuna have the most potent anti-inflammatory effects. But it’s smart to consume omega-3s from plant sources, like walnuts and flaxseed, too — especially if you’re not fond of fish.

4. Whole Grains

   A 2008 review of these diet-friendly foods — which include whole wheat, oats, and brown rice, and the bread, cereal, and other edibles made from them — concluded that a meal plan loaded with whole grains helps you stay slim, thanks, in part, to fiber’s role in appetite control. Their low rankings on the glycemic index (a system that rates the effect of different carbohydrates on blood sugar levels) may also play a role.

   A raft of research has also shown that whole grains offer protection against diabetes, heart disease, stroke, colon cancer, high blood pressure, and gum disease. These benefits are tied to the array of vitamins, minerals, plant chemicals, and again, fiber that work together to promote health. (That’s why refined grains, which filter out these nutrients during manufacturing, and add some back later in the process, don’t offer the same advantages.

5. Exercise

   It’s an anti-aging bonanza: Being active maintains muscle mass, boosts metabolism, and keeps your heart and lungs primed, among other benefits. Now, a recent study has found that running, in particular, promotes a long, independent life. Researchers at Stanford University School of Medicine followed a group of runners and non-runners for 21 years and found that elderly runners put off age-related disabilities for 16 years beyond their non-running counterparts. Runners also lived longer: 19 years into the study, only 15 percent of them had died compared with 34 percent of the non-runners. And the active ones were less likely to die from heart disease, stroke, cancer, and neurological conditions. While this study examined running, 30 minutes of more moderate aerobic activity, five days a week, will keep you healthy, according to recently released guidelines from the American Heart Association and American College of Sports Medicine. What should also be on your fitness agenda: strength training twice a week to maintain muscle and keep your metabolism humming.

6. Red Wine and Other Drinks

   What other diet recommends red wine? Ours does because the ruby beverage’s resveratrol is a potent antioxidant, inflammation damper, and artery protector. Plus, animal research suggests that high amounts of resveratrol may counteract cell death in the heart and brain, which could mean this compound has even greater potential to prolong your life. Limit yourself to one five-ounce glass a day; more could be harmful.

If you’re not a wine drinker, no worries: Put on the coffeemaker or the kettle instead. Coffee appears to lower the risk of type 2 diabetes and Parkinson’s disease, and evidence suggests that java drinkers have a lower chance of dying from heart disease. Some of the benefit may come from caffeine, but coffee also contains chlorogenic acids, antioxidants that might also play a protective role. Drinking tea may lower your risk of heart attacks, strengthen your immune system, protect tooth enamel, and help fight memory loss associated with aging. Choose green, black, white, or oolong — their leaves all come from the camellia sinensis, or tea plant. And their polyphenols (antioxidants), fluoride, and caffeine — which are thought to contribute to these health benefits — are largely missing from herbal brews.

Two Secret Age-Defying Treats

They seem like diet no-no’s because of their calorie load, but dark chocolate and a handful (not a canful) of nuts have longevity and weight-loss benefits.

This just in: Nuts give you a surprising diet edge. A recent study found that despite being a high-fat, high-cal food, they don’t promote weight gain. The reason: People find nuts filling and after eating them, offset some of the calories by eating less later on. Best of all, up to 20 percent of the calories in nuts don’t get absorbed.

Craving something sweet? Dip into dark chocolate. The latest evidence suggests that cocoa flavanols (more predominant in dark chocolate than milky versions) may lower inflammation, keep blood pressure in check, prevent platelets from clotting (which could, in turn, prevent strokes and heart attacks), and boost brain power.
Anti-Aging Healthy Snacks

Our Anti-Aging Meal Plan provides everything you need to look younger and get thinner. We’ve even made room for extras — like a splash of milk in your coffee or honey in your tea. Every day, you can have up to 50 "free" calories to use any way you’d like. (Or save up for two or three days so you can have a 100-calorie or 150-calorie treat.) You can choose an item that’s already on the menu (say, extra crackers or another egg) to have seconds, or select a different food or drink that you want to splurge on (our lists can help you keep a calorie tally).

Up to 50 Calories:
1 tbsp 2% milk – 8 calories
1 tsp sugar – 16 calories
1 tsp honey – 21 calories
1 tbsp grated Parmesan cheese – 22 calories
1 tbsp reduced-fat sour cream – 26 calories
3 slices (1 oz) deli thin lean ham – 30 calories
2 tbsp Cedar’s Cucumber Garlic Tzatziki with 5 celery stalks – 35 calories
2 Ak-Mak crackers – 46 calories
1 Sargento Reduced Fat Colby-Jack cheese stick – 50 calories
1 Mini Babybel Light cheese – 50 calories

Up to 100 Calories:
1 hard-boiled egg – 70 calories
1 6-ounce container of Dannon Light & Fit yogurt (any flavor) – 80 calories
1 Nature’s Path Organic Pomegran Plus Waffle – 80 calories
2 Blue Horizon Organic Chinese-Style Shrimp Spring Rolls – 87 calories
1 small banana – 90 calories
1 Tall Skinny Latte from Starbucks – 90 calories
Any 100-calorie snack pack – 100 calories
1 Whole Treat Organic Fudge Bar – 100 calories
5 Triscuits – 100 calories
3 Hershey’s Bliss Signatures in dark chocolate – 100 calories

Up to 150 Calories:
1/2 cup Edy’s Slow Churned Rich & Creamy Chocolate Ice Cream – 110 calories
1 Kashi Chewy Cherry Dark Chocolate Bar – 120 calories
1 5.3-ounce container FAGE Total 2% Yogurt with Fruit (any flavor) – 130 calories
1 Pack World of Grains Cookies – 130 calories
1 Kozy Shack Original Rice Pudding – 130 calories
1 Bumble Bee Sensations Easy Peel Bowls Sundried Tomato & Basil – 130 calories
1 Tin Sweet Riot Cocoa Nibs – 140 calories
1 Kahiki Naturals Chicken Egg Roll – 140 calories
21 almonds – 150 calories
14 baby carrots with 1 packet Wholly Guacamole 100 Calorie Snack Packs – 150 calories

Time for Love

By Helen Fisher, Ph.D.

Kicking leaves, carving pumpkins, pencils, books and work: We’re back in the fall routine. And as we resume our autumn rituals, most of us take stock. Perhaps there’s nothing we ponder more thoroughly than our bedroom habitat. Is someone there? If not, why not? If so, is this The One? Or should someone else reside in this inner sanctum?

We tend to think that spring and summer are the mating seasons—the key times that we engage in the pursuit of happiness. But as autumn gets under way, professionals, entrepreneurs, students, retirees, almost everyone returns to “the hood,” or to clubs, restaurants, gyms, sports and cultural events, and parties–rekindling and expanding their social webs.

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want," wrote critic Joseph Wood Krutch. Like cats, in the autumn, even the meek become emboldened to ask what they want: romance. Some will join Chemistry.com, the Internet dating site I helped design for those looking for a serious relationship. Others will seek a mate at other Internet dating sites, or buy newspapers and magazines to peruse the personals. And as they gather, they will hope for love.

How autumn works its charm
What makes fall such a dynamic mating season? First, it’s important to acknowledge that anytime is a good time for love and sex. Deer court in the fall; female dogs court when they are "in heat;" most female monkeys have a sexual peak in the middle of their monthly menstrual cycle when they ovulate. Humans have no courting or birthing season.

Certainly, summer (the “hot” season) has its thrills. The fireflies and crickets, the pungent smells of roses, barbeque and salty air, the sunning bodies on the beach or grass, the fresh peaches: summer magic invigorates our senses. But as poet John Keats wrote of autumn, "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness…thou hast thy music too." Keats had it right. As we hurtle toward crisp days and nights, new events-and new floods of chemicals-will propel us toward love.

The chemistry connection
Foremost, in autumn anticipation can run high. And novelty, unpredictability and anticipation can juice the dopamine circuits in the brain, making you feel good – very good. Dopamine is the chemical that courses through the mind when a person foresees winning money, reaches for chocolate or even takes cocaine. And the novelty of autumn can trigger this dopamine response, giving you energy, optimism, focus and motivation, as well as increasing your sex drive.

Autumn days, however, primarily jumpstart the production of testosterone – the premier hormone of lust. Men and women inherit their baseline levels of this potent cocktail. But this hormone also fluctuates according to daily, monthly and annual rhythms. Testosterone is highest in men in the early morning, for example, as well as higher in women just before mid-month ovulation, when they are most likely to initiate sex. But beyond these shifts, in autumn, this sap rises – giving men extra strength, energy, concentration and confidence. Moreover, as testosterone initiates sexual desire, ensuing sexual activity triggers more testosterone. Thus the cycle spins.

Remarkably, even anticipating sex increases testosterone in men. Known as the "lighthouse effect," this relationship was first discovered when scientists measured the beard trimmings of a lighthouse attendant. He lived alone on an island during the week. But every Friday he sped to the mainland to enjoy the weekend with his girlfriend. On Fridays his beard grew more than usual – the effect of testosterone, triggered by sexual desire.

"In the spring, a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love," wrote Alfred, Lord Tennyson. But in late spring and early summer, levels of testosterone are at their lowest. They peak instead in November and early December, when sperm counts are also higher. And this potion works. In the Northern Hemisphere, women give birth more frequently in August and September, nine months after the flood of testosterone in late autumn. This testosterone surge may be part of nature’s plan to turn our thoughts to love in the waning days of autumn and reap love’s rewards during the bounty of late summer. A vestige of the rutting season of many other creatures, autumn may be our primary time to love. This fall, may it be yours.

Helen Fisher, Ph.D., is research professor, department of anthropology; author of Why We Love; and is chief scientific advisor to www.chemistry.com.

The 10 Best Places to Kiss

You lucky single person, you – your dating days are full of adventure and kisses shared in dimly-lit restaurants and on street corners. But where, we wondered, are the very best places to lock lips? You already know about the beach at sunset, under the mistletoe and right smack dab on the mouth. Here, more superior smooch sites to check out when you’re ready to make out.

1. On a roller coaster. Yes, love has its ups and downs, but that’s what keeps it exciting. Kiss at the crest of that first big hill and hang on to each other as you plummet – talk about a rush!
2. On your desk. Research shows that as many as 61 percent of relationships start in the workplace, and 50 percent of office amours lead to marriage (that includes this writer!). So if you’re flirting by the coffee machine or bantering at brainstorming sessions and it isn’t against company rules, take it to the next level (after hours, please; discretion is important!). Don’t have a desk job? Find the nearest supply closet.
3. At a museum. Appreciating a beautiful work of art together can create passion. Why waste it? Give in, whether inspired by Picasso’s ôThe Loversö at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., Gustav Klimt’s ôThe Kissö at Vienna’s Osterreichische Museum fⁿr Angewandte Kunst, or a romantic, moving piece at a local gallery.
4. In the middle of a crowded street. Preferably at rush hour on any given Monday.á Life can be mundane and hectic at the same time, but a sweet, juicy kiss can make an average moment special. To get the idea, think of the iconic image of a sailor smooching a nurse in New York’s Times Square on V-J Day, or Robert Doisneau’s renowned 1950 black and white photo, Kiss by the Hotel de Ville, of a couple mid-lip-lock on a Paris Street.
5. In a dressing room. Are you the type who’s turned on by the idea of a public display of affectionùbut would prefer some darned privacy? The dressing room rendezvous affords the best of both worlds. Plus, it has illicit allure (sneaking someone in where he or she technically isn’t supposed to go) without setting off theft detectors.
6. On a pile of coats. Preferably, with a stranger you met at the party. It’s a mating rite of passage everyone should experience at least once. Guaranteed to irritate other guests!
7. Upside down. You don’t need Spidey skills to pull it off. One person simply sits in a chair and tilts his or her head back while the other person approaches from behind, bends over and plants one. Or try it with one person lying on a couch, head against the armrest, and the other person standing above and leaning over. It’s a little awkward, a little weird – and absolutely wonderful.
8. In the backseat. Find yourselves a lover’s lane, climb into the passion pit, and neck till you steam up the windows. It’s retro romantic.
9. In a downpour. Yes, kissing in the rain is kind of cliché, but if you haven’t tried it, please do. The reason this kiss rules? Everyone else is frantically running for shelter, which makes time seem to stop for the two of you. It’s surreal, and very sexy.
10. In bed, while one of you is asleep. You know from fairy tales that the kiss that awakens can lead to happily ever after. There’s simply no lovelier way to wake up. As the kisser, however, you’re advised to refrain if the kiss-ee is recuperating from a double shift after a bout of insomnia.

by Nina Malkin

7 Quirky Facts About Chemistry

By Laura Schaefer

If you think clicking with another person is all about fate, destiny or a fairy godmother, think again! There’s actually some (very) weird science at work…and here’s proof:

1. Like go-get-’em types? Look for a long fourth finger. Here’s why: If your date’s ring finger is longer than his or her index finger, it’s an indication that he or she was exposed to higher than average amounts of testosterone in the womb, says Dr. John T. Manning of Rutgers University in his book Digit Ratio. This correlates to a personality which tends to be logical, decisive, and ambitious. If these traits tickle your fancy, stick around.

2. Adrenaline is the new oyster. Skip the shellfish and do something daring to bond with a new honey. Research by Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton shows that adrenaline ups our interest in a potential mate. Male subjects in the study were asked to cross two kinds of bridges (one shaky, one sturdy) to talk to an attractive female “researcher” giving a questionnaire. Upon completing the task, the woman gave each subject her phone number. Those subjects who met the woman on the shaky bridge were more likely to call and more likely to ask her on a date. The reason? The exhilaration of being in a risky situation rubs off on the person you’re with, so if you’re looking for some instant sparks on a date, try something a little scary (roller coasters, scary movie, or white-water rafting, anyone?).

3. Women do want to date their fathers. Or, at least, date someone who smells like him. In one study by geneticist Carole Ober, female subjects were asked to sniff t-shirts of various scents and then state their preferences. Over and over again, subjects chose the odors that closely matched those of their dads. So, guys, if you make it to a “meet the parents” moment, take a peek in their medicine cabinet and splash on some of Dad’s aftershave to seal the deal.

4. Don’t let your married friends weigh in on your love life. Think your hitched pals can help you detect good chemistry with a date? Um, no…Science has revealed that your married friends are clueless when they try to give you dating advice. In one study, psychologist Frank Bernieri asked 168 subjects to watch video clips of couples and rate how in love they were. Subjects who were in relationships guessed wrong again and again compared to their single peers. So the next time your friend with the rock on her finger waxes poetic on the intricacies of your love life, smile serenely and then get a second opinion.

5. There’s such a thing as “pill goggles.” Consider these the first cousin to beer goggles—if you’re taking the birth-control pill, ladies, your taste in men may take a turn. That’s because birth control pills affect women’s hormone levels and to whom they are attracted. In one study, researcher Tony Little showed women different images of men and asked them to make their picks. Results show that women on birth control pills tended to choose men with more pronounced masculine features than those who weren’t on the Pill. The downside here? These manly traits are linked to high testosterone levels, aggressive behavior, and even higher divorce rates. So if you’re on the Pill, don’t turn a blind eye to those red flags… your contraception could cloud your judgment and lead you to fall for a less-than-wonderful guy.

6. The longer you’re together, the more simpatico you’ll become. Do you feel the chemistry getting stronger and stronger every day? Are you finishing one another’s sentences? Feeling as if you share one personality? You two may really be merging, says researcher Cameron Anderson, who interviewed 60 couples and roommates. By gauging his subjects’ reactions to a film after they had lived together one year, Anderson found that their personalities tend to converge over time, though the dominant partner changes his or her personality less.

7. Goose those chemicals to keep passion cooking. Those heady feelings of new love do fade over time, but there is an easy way couples in a rut can get ‘em back: By trying novel things together, whether that’s traveling to foreign lands or even just breaking out the Zagat guide to try a totally new restaurant rather than your old stand-by. That’s because new experiences trigger the same chemical reaction in the body as love, says researcher Helen Fisher. So get out there and have an adventure, lovebirds, to keep boredom at bay.

Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time.

Are You Ready To Find The One

It happens to the best of us: There you are, going on date after date but none of them seem to be panning out. Maybe you’re just having a string of bad luck. But then again, sometimes — just sometimes — there’s more out there for you than you’ve noticed. Just because you’re keeping your eyes peeled for love doesn’t mean your heart is entirely open. If you can’t put your finger on why you’re still looking, check our list of the most common dating ruts. If you’re in one of them now, you have the power to change your outlook. Then, when someone with potential crosses your path, you’ll recognize it immediately and be ready to pounce!

Problem: You aren’t feeling instant sparks
Solution: Forget romance for a sec and use the “friend” filter
When we go on a date, we’re usually looking for some hit-us-over-the-head romantic chemistry, and when we don’t feel it, we think the date is a waste of time. But that’s not true! “If you have a strong negative reaction to someone you meet, that’s one thing, but a neutral or unsure reaction to a person can turn into chemistry down the line—and those that shut the door right away won’t get to find that out,” says Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D., author of the Boomer’s Guide to Dating (Again) and creator of Wakingdesire.com. So how can you be sure you’re open to later-blooming chemistry? Simple: Instead of using the “romance” filter that measures that love-at-first-sight chemistry, use the “friend” filter on your next date. Think about it: When you talk to a new person at a party, you don’t use cocktail conversation to search out what the two of you don’t have in common, you look for the things you do have in common. Try doing that on your next date. Instead of casting off your date too quickly (as in “Oh, he’s not into music,” or “Oh, she’s far too quiet compared to me”), hone in on whether you both love Frasier reruns, have similar views on immigration, or can’t stand cheese plates. “The pursuit of friendship takes the pressure off by making the goal of the date learning about the person,” says Dr. Helgoe. Which, let’s be honest, is what a first date should be, anyway. Because the more common ground you discover, the more likely chemistry can develop later.

Problem: Your dates look great on paper… but that’s it
Solution: Pay attention to how you’re feeling vs. your date’s résumé
So this person has a ton of wonderful qualities. That’s fine, for a start. But amazing chemistry isn’t just about finding someone you admire or think would be a great life partner. It’s about how you feel when you’re with that person. For instance, if the date you had last night was friendly and gregarious, but you felt more meek or quiet than usual in his or her shadow, that doesn’t make for strong chemistry. “You want to really feel like yourself—your happiest, most excited self,” explains Rhonda Findling, author of The Dating Cure. So on your next rendezvous, don’t merely ask, “Do I like this person?” Also ask yourself, “Do I like myself when I’m around this person?” And with an attitude like that, you just may recognize something brilliant very soon.

Problem: You don’t think this person has long-term potential
Solution: Try the “Carpe date-’em” trick
We single people are so afraid of “settling” that we can’t help looking ahead to the future in the first few minutes on a date. In the movie Something’s Gotta Give, Jack Nicholson asks Diane Keaton if she wants to go for a walk along the beach. She stammers and wavers until finally he says, “It’s just a walk, not a marriage proposal!” Try to think of your dates the same way. It’s not a long-term commitment… it’s a latte. Take it one step at a time. You know that saying carpe diem—in Latin, it means “seize the day!” Instead of carpe diem, carpe date-’em! Go on a date for what it is, and don’t start obsessing about whether this person wants the same number of kids as you do. Going slow is fine.

Problem: You swear all the good ones are taken already
Solution: Look again… at people you usually pass over
Thanks to all the adorably hopeful romantic comedy movies they keep making, it’s sometimes hard to shake the thought that someone, somewhere, someday, will sweep you off your feet and move with you to an old vineyard in Italy. But what about your neighbor who hits the same coffee shop in the morning 30 seconds after you do? Like traffic accidents, love accidents often happen close to home. You may be looking for a fairytale, but remember that sometimes, the fairytale is finding someone when you’re taking out the trash. “Think about the happy ending in Bridget Jones’ Diary,” says Dr. Helgoe. “She didn’t end up with her sexy boss… she ended up with the guy she met at the family party wearing a reindeer sweater!” So keep your antenna up 24/7 and the next time you wonder, “Where are all the good single men and women?” remind yourself they may be standing next to you in line at Old Navy or Whole Foods.

Problem: You feel down about yourself and not date-worthy
Solution: Give yourself a pre-date pep rally
After traveling a few miles on the road to nobody special, it’s easy to start blaming yourself. You wind up going out and socializing or turning up on a date with a sad-sack attitude. (Hint: Not a turn-on…) Nobody wants to date a downer, so it’s time to corral the cheerleaders in your life to remind you why you’re such a catch. One hour before your next date, give one of your cheerleaders a call. Maybe it’s an older brother who says, “Dude, you are a fine specimen. Go get ‘em!” When I’m having a down dating spell, I email my gay friend (the Will to my Grace) my latest dating sob story just so he’ll write back, “Are you kidding? You’re the prettiest girl in the world! If I liked girls, I would have wanted to marry you five years ago!” Is it hokey? Yes. Does it work every time? You betcha.

By Amy Spencer

Romantic Chemistry

Few topics in life are more complicated and riddled with contradictions as the question of romantic chemistry. Why, for example, can two people be insanely attracted to each other, but have absolutely nothing to say? How come people can click amazingly online, but feel nothing face to face? And what makes those people who are obviously bad for us so dang irresistible? Believe it or not, these conundrums actually do have logical explanations. So, stop scratching your head and read on for the answers—and some advice on how to handle it if you’re faced with one of these scenarios.

1. How is it that sexual chemistry can be amazing when people have absolutely nothing to say to one another?
   While it’d be nice to have something to say other than “Yes, yes, yes!” to someone you find so irresistible, that’s not always the case. If you feel like certain parts of your anatomy have a mind of their own, it’s because in a way, they do. “Sexual chemistry does not always equal love, and this is because we’ve evolved distinct brain systems for mating,” says Dr. Helen Fisher, research professor in the department of anthropology at Rutgers University and author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. “One system controls the craving for sexual gratification. Another system rules over romantic love, that obsessive thinking and craving and focusing on one individual. They’re not always connected, which is why you can be madly in love with someone and only have so-so sex, while you can have intensely passionate sex with someone you never want to see again!” With time, and a little luck, however, lust can lead to more tender feelings. “You can start having sex with someone and then fall in love,” says Dr. Fisher. “Sometimes one thing can trigger the other.” So keep chipping away at making chit chat and you may find yourself enjoying this person’s company out of bed as well as in it.
2. What makes people we know are bad for us so attractive?
   Much like booze, cigarettes and reality TV, we know bad boys and girls are, well, bad for us, but we just can’t help ourselves. Why do we crave something we know is trouble? “I call this ‘frustration attraction.’ It’s a very common part of romantic love,” explains Fisher. “Even if you don’t like someone that much, if you find out she doesn’t like you or people are telling you to dump her, you suddenly want her more! These kinds of relationships could literally become an addiction where you do crazy things: You wait all night by the phone or even join in dangerous behaviors.” If you’re stuck on such a shady character, try to find the reason you’re so smitten: Some people are attracted to the challenge of changing or improving a wayward partner; others may be seeking the added excitement that comes from unpredictable types. Knowing your motivations can help give you control over your emotions—and hightail it out of there if things get too dicey or the relationship starts to self-destruct.
3. Why is it that one person can feel like there’s a great connection, while the other feels nothing at all?
   Miss Manners might be to blame for this dating dilemma. “The truth of the matter is that some people are just very polite,” says Dr. Fisher. “And in their politeness, they are sending signals that the other person misinterprets.” So, if you’re not into someone, make sure you’re not appearing like you are—we’re not saying you should be rude, but definitely keep flirting to a minimum and end the date with a handshake (and don’t say, “We should do this again sometime.”). And if you find yourself on the overly arduous end of this equation? Know that your own feelings could be deceiving you. “When you are madly attracted to someone, you re-interpret everything they do,” says Dr. Fisher. “Your date can be giving every indication he isn’t interested and you still can’t hear him. They say love is blind and it’s true—the emotion is so powerful, it is designed to overlook things to the contrary.”
4. Why is it that you can have great chemistry chatting online or on the phone, but not in person?
   “They call it love at first sight, not at first email,” points out Dr. Fisher. “Eighty percent of what we take into the human brain is visual. So somebody can be clever and charming online, but if you don’t like what you see, it’s not going to work.” Plus, emails can be crafted and re-crafted into how people want to be, not who they actually are in a spontaneous way. “Face to face, people get nervous and clam up and can’t perform,” says Dr. Fisher. This, however, can bode well for you—maybe all it takes is a second or third date for this person to relax and show his or her true personality.
5. Why does the spark of chemistry disappear over time?
   No longer tearing each other’s clothes off every time you meet? You might fear your love is dying, but it’s actually just transforming into something you can handle for the long run. “The calming of passion in a relationship is actually a survival trait,” says Dr. Fisher. “When you’re courting, you do things that are very taxing to your mind and body: You talk until dawn, you forget to go to work, you forget to call your friends, you forget to feed the dog, you dash off and spend all of your money in Paris. If you were to live the next 20 years in that state, you’d certainly die of exhaustion!” Settling into a calmer place can, you see, be a very good thing.

Happy Marriage

12 Tips for a Happy Marriage

Modern married couples just might do well to emulate some of the successful strategies of their happily married parents and grandparents — from sleeping in separate beds to maintaining same-sex friends.

Two newly reissued books originally published in 1913, Don’ts for Husbands and Don’ts for Wives, contain hundreds of tried-and-true tips for a happy marriage. Advice for wives includes such tidbits as “don’t let him have to search the house for you after his day’s work. Listen for his latch-key and meet him on the threshold,” and “don’t bother your husband with chatter if he is tired.” And for husbands, “don’t hesitate to mention the fact when you think that your wife looks exceptionally nice,” and “don’t scowl or look severe; cultivate a pleasant expression.”

“Baby boomers got sold by psychology on the idea of being ‘authentic,'” says Terrence Real, therapist, founder of the Relational Life Institute, and co-author of Wonderful Marriage: A Guide to Building a Great Relationship That Will Last a Lifetime. “It’s given us permission to treat and speak to each other horribly. Our grandparents knew better.”

1. Reinstate Civility

   “Please,” “thank you,” “pardon me” and “may I” are phrases that seemed to have all but disappeared from present-day vocabularies, especially with our loved ones.

   After spending time with Wonderful Marriage co-authors Lilo and Gerard Leeds, married for more than 50 years, Real believes you should extend your partner the same courtesy you would a stranger. “When speaking to your spouse, don’t be rude, be respectful. Use a combination of old-school civility and modern frankness.” Additionally, he suggests trying more sweetness and tenderness by saying things more lovingly.

   Psychotherapist and author Tina Tessina, PhD, concurs. “Politeness is like a lubricant for your daily interactions; it makes everything go more smoothly.”

   Joyce Morley-Ball, EdD, a counselor in Decatur, Ga., adds some specifics. “Show her that chivalry is not dead: Pull out her chair, open the door for her, help her over a puddle, give her your coat when it is cold outside, help her to put on her coat. This act of affection shows that she is important and there is a level of respect for her.”

2. Put Pen to Paper

   Back before cell phones and instant messaging, people wrote letters of affection to each other, often waiting weeks to receive them.

   Lilia Fallgatter, author of The Most Important Letter You Will Ever Write: How to Tell Loved Ones How You Feel Before It’s Too Late, advocates reviving the lost art of letter-writing to increase intimacy in a relationship.

   “Love letters exchanged between a couple can strengthen their relationship by helping them to connect to one another on a deeper level,” she says via email. “These letters may also become treasured keepsakes that can be revisited and experienced anew each time they are read.” You’ll reap bonus points if you hand write it on beautiful paper and enclose a cherished memento such as a photograph or ticket stub from a movie you saw together.

3. Sleep As Singles

   It was TV censors who kept sitcom couples in separate beds, but maybe there was wisdom to catching your ZZZs in your own bed.

   When one partner snores or is a night owl, tensions can mount in the marital bed, experts say. It may seem like a throwback a la Ricky and Lucy Ricardo, but many couples happily sleep in separate beds; some even maintain separate bedrooms and eliminate tossing and turning and fights over the blanket.

   And many couples who are secure enough to seek satisfying slumber on their own report using the regained energy for more … loving pursuits.

4. Maintain Same-Sex Friends and Interests

   Don’t for Wives instructs women not to “try to regulate your husband’s pleasures and don’t be jealous if they don’t include you.”

   It’s only been during the past couple of decades that couples expected to share a bulk of their free time together. Retro couples didn’t necessarily want to participate in each others hobbies.

   Charlotte, N.C., relationship expert Kathy Stafford recommends that couples keep close ties with their same-sex friends throughout marriage. “My parents had separate interests. Dad belonged to a men’s club, and Mom belonged to a ladies-only club. This gave them both time to cultivate their own interests, and they weren’t totally reliant on each other for their entertainment.”

5. Look Sharp

   How did June Cleaver do it? She always looked impeccable when serving dinner to Ward and the kids.

   Les Parrott, PhD, and professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University, says you can inspire romance by dressing up for the occasion. “With our hectic schedules, it’s tempting to resort to sweatpants all weekend or immediately changing into a ratty T-shirt after work. Instead, dress up the next time you and your spouse have dinner or plan a night out. Wearing a beautiful dress or a button-down shirt and slacks will be unexpected and make your partner feel special that you took the extra time to look nice. Taking time with your appearance inspires romance and shows your partner you care.”

   Rhonda Fine, PhD, a board-certified sexologist at the MIAMI Institute, agrees. “Never let yourself go. Look your best as often as possible, it will make your partner feel loved and proud.”

6. Don’t Go to Bed Angry

   Jackie Gleason may have wanted to “send Alice to the moon,” but the Honeymooners settled their quarrels before turning in for the night.

   The long-married Leeds are proponents of this wisdom. Even if you can’t resolve a disagreement before you hit the sheets, you can agree to let the anger go for the night. Remind each other how lucky you are — even as you disagree — to have each other to disagree with.

   “From the very beginning we decided that we didn’t want to go to bed angry,” Gerard Leeds writes. “And we seldom go to sleep without kissing each other good night.”

7. Hit the Dance Floor

   Ever notice how blissful couples look as they are twirling across the dance floor, entwined in each other’s arms like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers?

   There is a language of leading and yielding that dance teaches. Paul Bolotovsky is the owner of the Manhattan-based Nightclub Dance Series, an instructional dance series that teaches men and women how to dance in nightclubs. He says that putting on your dancing shoes can put the sizzle back into a relationship that has fizzled.

   “The old days of ballroom dancing and swing have a lot to offer today’s couples,” , “The touch, teamwork, energy, music, anticipation, and companionship are all wonderful byproducts after a night of dancing.” Don’t fret if you have two left feet; even “contemporary” dancing” is a way to spend fun time together.

8. Have Couples Fun

   Bridge and pinochle were common activities shared by our parents and their friends. So was cocktail hour and formal anniversary celebrations with like-minded couples.

   Fine says, “Play board games with other couples! It’s fun and a great way to be social with others and playful with one another.”

   Parrott says it is important to identify friends who are healthy additions to your social circle. “Your goal is to become close with other couples with similar standards and interests who have positive attitudes about marriage and family life. Gravitate toward fun couples who make you feel supported and enhance your active, healthy lifestyle. Friends like these are good for your marriage and overall well-being.”

9. Give Compliments

   To give a compliment, you’ve got to pay attention — really notice something about someone. Remember how Carol and Mike Brady, the happily married matriarch and patriarch of The Brady Bunch, lavished them on each other?

   If it’s been a while since you’ve doled out flattering praise, try it.

   Tessina notes that it costs nothing to say, “You look good,” “You did a great job,” or “I like your shirt.” Yet compliments can really reassure and pump up your spouse.

10. Hold Hands

    Back in our parents’ time, hand-holding and discreet pecks on the cheek were the tasteful, chaste displays of affection.

    Although anything goes these days, Morley-Ball encourages couples to simply hold hands in public. “[It] affirms to everyone your undying affection and love for each other. [It] shows everyone that you are proud to be with each other and you want everyone to know it.”

    Tessina echoes this sweet sentiment. “There’s an actual electrical connection that passes between us when we touch. You can use that electrical connection to provide juice in your marriage. Give each other little pats and gentle touches and hold hands frequently when you’re walking or driving and you’ll keep the energy — and the sweetness — flowing between you.”

11. Cut Back on Complaints

    Yesteryear’s couples had a comic reputation for nagging — think of The Dick Van Dyke Show — yet, in truth, many partners often held their tongues.

    Real thinks a stumbling block in modern marriages is a constant soundtrack of discord. “Our generation thinks that closeness comes from sharing everything, letting each other know how miserable you are. But it doesn’t motivate me to treat you better.”

    He says that relaying every annoyance is a bad idea. Instead, he recommends you pick your battles. “Not everything needs to be addressed.”

12. Try Thoughtful Little Acts

    Back in the day, with fewer stresses, limited technology and less multitasking, couples were more “present” in their relationships.

    “The presence of little, daily thoughtful acts showed caring and appreciation for one another,” says licensed clinical social worker Toni Coleman. “Things like making breakfast for your spouse or packing their lunch, bringing them coffee in the morning or a drink or glass of wine at the end of the day, warming up their car or putting their keys and other personal effects on the hall table, ready to go.”

    Real writes that sustaining a happy relationship, such as the Leeds’, requires careful thought, a generous spirit and hard work.

    “There’s a lot of wisdom [to be gained] from our parents or grandparents, he says.”They had companionship marriage, but we’ve raised the bar — we want romance, great sex, and more intimacy. We can reconcile these two approaches. With some of the gentleness and graciousness of previous generations with the technology and savvy of today’s marriages.”