7 Quirky Facts About Chemistry

By Laura Schaefer

If you think clicking with another person is all about fate, destiny or a fairy godmother, think again! There’s actually some (very) weird science at work…and here’s proof:

1. Like go-get-’em types? Look for a long fourth finger. Here’s why: If your date’s ring finger is longer than his or her index finger, it’s an indication that he or she was exposed to higher than average amounts of testosterone in the womb, says Dr. John T. Manning of Rutgers University in his book Digit Ratio. This correlates to a personality which tends to be logical, decisive, and ambitious. If these traits tickle your fancy, stick around.

2. Adrenaline is the new oyster. Skip the shellfish and do something daring to bond with a new honey. Research by Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton shows that adrenaline ups our interest in a potential mate. Male subjects in the study were asked to cross two kinds of bridges (one shaky, one sturdy) to talk to an attractive female “researcher” giving a questionnaire. Upon completing the task, the woman gave each subject her phone number. Those subjects who met the woman on the shaky bridge were more likely to call and more likely to ask her on a date. The reason? The exhilaration of being in a risky situation rubs off on the person you’re with, so if you’re looking for some instant sparks on a date, try something a little scary (roller coasters, scary movie, or white-water rafting, anyone?).

3. Women do want to date their fathers. Or, at least, date someone who smells like him. In one study by geneticist Carole Ober, female subjects were asked to sniff t-shirts of various scents and then state their preferences. Over and over again, subjects chose the odors that closely matched those of their dads. So, guys, if you make it to a “meet the parents” moment, take a peek in their medicine cabinet and splash on some of Dad’s aftershave to seal the deal.

4. Don’t let your married friends weigh in on your love life. Think your hitched pals can help you detect good chemistry with a date? Um, no…Science has revealed that your married friends are clueless when they try to give you dating advice. In one study, psychologist Frank Bernieri asked 168 subjects to watch video clips of couples and rate how in love they were. Subjects who were in relationships guessed wrong again and again compared to their single peers. So the next time your friend with the rock on her finger waxes poetic on the intricacies of your love life, smile serenely and then get a second opinion.

5. There’s such a thing as “pill goggles.” Consider these the first cousin to beer goggles—if you’re taking the birth-control pill, ladies, your taste in men may take a turn. That’s because birth control pills affect women’s hormone levels and to whom they are attracted. In one study, researcher Tony Little showed women different images of men and asked them to make their picks. Results show that women on birth control pills tended to choose men with more pronounced masculine features than those who weren’t on the Pill. The downside here? These manly traits are linked to high testosterone levels, aggressive behavior, and even higher divorce rates. So if you’re on the Pill, don’t turn a blind eye to those red flags… your contraception could cloud your judgment and lead you to fall for a less-than-wonderful guy.

6. The longer you’re together, the more simpatico you’ll become. Do you feel the chemistry getting stronger and stronger every day? Are you finishing one another’s sentences? Feeling as if you share one personality? You two may really be merging, says researcher Cameron Anderson, who interviewed 60 couples and roommates. By gauging his subjects’ reactions to a film after they had lived together one year, Anderson found that their personalities tend to converge over time, though the dominant partner changes his or her personality less.

7. Goose those chemicals to keep passion cooking. Those heady feelings of new love do fade over time, but there is an easy way couples in a rut can get ‘em back: By trying novel things together, whether that’s traveling to foreign lands or even just breaking out the Zagat guide to try a totally new restaurant rather than your old stand-by. That’s because new experiences trigger the same chemical reaction in the body as love, says researcher Helen Fisher. So get out there and have an adventure, lovebirds, to keep boredom at bay.

Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time.

Romantic Chemistry

Few topics in life are more complicated and riddled with contradictions as the question of romantic chemistry. Why, for example, can two people be insanely attracted to each other, but have absolutely nothing to say? How come people can click amazingly online, but feel nothing face to face? And what makes those people who are obviously bad for us so dang irresistible? Believe it or not, these conundrums actually do have logical explanations. So, stop scratching your head and read on for the answers—and some advice on how to handle it if you’re faced with one of these scenarios.

1. How is it that sexual chemistry can be amazing when people have absolutely nothing to say to one another?
   While it’d be nice to have something to say other than “Yes, yes, yes!” to someone you find so irresistible, that’s not always the case. If you feel like certain parts of your anatomy have a mind of their own, it’s because in a way, they do. “Sexual chemistry does not always equal love, and this is because we’ve evolved distinct brain systems for mating,” says Dr. Helen Fisher, research professor in the department of anthropology at Rutgers University and author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. “One system controls the craving for sexual gratification. Another system rules over romantic love, that obsessive thinking and craving and focusing on one individual. They’re not always connected, which is why you can be madly in love with someone and only have so-so sex, while you can have intensely passionate sex with someone you never want to see again!” With time, and a little luck, however, lust can lead to more tender feelings. “You can start having sex with someone and then fall in love,” says Dr. Fisher. “Sometimes one thing can trigger the other.” So keep chipping away at making chit chat and you may find yourself enjoying this person’s company out of bed as well as in it.
2. What makes people we know are bad for us so attractive?
   Much like booze, cigarettes and reality TV, we know bad boys and girls are, well, bad for us, but we just can’t help ourselves. Why do we crave something we know is trouble? “I call this ‘frustration attraction.’ It’s a very common part of romantic love,” explains Fisher. “Even if you don’t like someone that much, if you find out she doesn’t like you or people are telling you to dump her, you suddenly want her more! These kinds of relationships could literally become an addiction where you do crazy things: You wait all night by the phone or even join in dangerous behaviors.” If you’re stuck on such a shady character, try to find the reason you’re so smitten: Some people are attracted to the challenge of changing or improving a wayward partner; others may be seeking the added excitement that comes from unpredictable types. Knowing your motivations can help give you control over your emotions—and hightail it out of there if things get too dicey or the relationship starts to self-destruct.
3. Why is it that one person can feel like there’s a great connection, while the other feels nothing at all?
   Miss Manners might be to blame for this dating dilemma. “The truth of the matter is that some people are just very polite,” says Dr. Fisher. “And in their politeness, they are sending signals that the other person misinterprets.” So, if you’re not into someone, make sure you’re not appearing like you are—we’re not saying you should be rude, but definitely keep flirting to a minimum and end the date with a handshake (and don’t say, “We should do this again sometime.”). And if you find yourself on the overly arduous end of this equation? Know that your own feelings could be deceiving you. “When you are madly attracted to someone, you re-interpret everything they do,” says Dr. Fisher. “Your date can be giving every indication he isn’t interested and you still can’t hear him. They say love is blind and it’s true—the emotion is so powerful, it is designed to overlook things to the contrary.”
4. Why is it that you can have great chemistry chatting online or on the phone, but not in person?
   “They call it love at first sight, not at first email,” points out Dr. Fisher. “Eighty percent of what we take into the human brain is visual. So somebody can be clever and charming online, but if you don’t like what you see, it’s not going to work.” Plus, emails can be crafted and re-crafted into how people want to be, not who they actually are in a spontaneous way. “Face to face, people get nervous and clam up and can’t perform,” says Dr. Fisher. This, however, can bode well for you—maybe all it takes is a second or third date for this person to relax and show his or her true personality.
5. Why does the spark of chemistry disappear over time?
   No longer tearing each other’s clothes off every time you meet? You might fear your love is dying, but it’s actually just transforming into something you can handle for the long run. “The calming of passion in a relationship is actually a survival trait,” says Dr. Fisher. “When you’re courting, you do things that are very taxing to your mind and body: You talk until dawn, you forget to go to work, you forget to call your friends, you forget to feed the dog, you dash off and spend all of your money in Paris. If you were to live the next 20 years in that state, you’d certainly die of exhaustion!” Settling into a calmer place can, you see, be a very good thing.